Friends, I’m on a new journey this year and I hope you’ll come along with me. Somewhere during 2017, I made a decision that 2018 would be the year to work on some lingering issues in life and in our marriage. At times, we get to a place where we get stuck. In order to move forward we have to deal. Deal with stuff, you know what I mean? Enter Re|engage, a marriage help group.
Thursday nights are where it’s at for us. We attended the first big Open Group last week. During our time the discussion topic was Extend and Seek Forgiveness. As soon as I read the card, I felt angst in my inner being. That told me I had some forgiving to do. I knew I was holding onto some things that were holding me back from walking in freedom. No pointing fingers at the hubs because I’m not responsible for his journey of forgiveness. I’m responsible for mine. Mission - focus on my issues.
What is forgiveness?
- A choice to forego your preconceived right to get even, leaving retribution to God.
- Releasing the person from the repayment for a debt that is owed.
Can I say ouch?! Although I know these things to be true, when I read them on paper I cringed. Why? It was obvious to me that I was holding unto something that needed to be forgiven. Now to completely figure out what it is, which in reality I know but I will chose to take the time to delve deeper in order to completely address forgiving more completely.
What forgiveness is not.
- Minimizing what has been done to me or “letting them off the hook.” (Be honest about the pain and destruction that has occurred. It may be loving to them experience consequences.)
- Putting myself in a risky position again so that person can continue to hurt me.
- Instantly granting trust. Trust is granted over time.
- Forgetting what happened.
The Open Group consisted of a few couples and we discussed this topic together. People shared some experiences and then there was more discussion. We were there for about an hour. On the way home, I shared with my husband how much I feel engaged and used of the Lord in those settings. My Biblical Counseling training sets in and I can’t help but bring the not so obvious into the light. He assured me my words held weight by the comments made by others. I felt empowered and confident and knew he was proud of me for being me. I have missed that confidence and the feeling of being empowered. Ironically, this is exactly what I was hoping to work on during 2018. It’s funny how the Lord works.
The challenge for this week:
Spend some time reflecting on how I have dealt with my sin by defending, denying or minimizing it instead of confessing. Have I hurt my husband through my actions? {Me: yes, of course}. I need to ask for his forgiveness.
How about you friends? In what ways have you hurt your spouse or a friend or family member or has someone deeply hurt you? Do you have a relationship that needs mending? Confession is a humbling thing but it also tears down walls where someone is defensive because they are hurt. Sometimes we have to ask for forgiveness or sometimes we just need to forgive. Maybe it’s both. Maybe this is something you can work on too.
“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4:32
Be blessed, friends! ~ Carrie
