Marriage: Confession Time

Oh yeah, it has been a long time since I’ve written about marriage. If you’ve followed along in this series then you might recall my husband and I had committed to attending a marriage group called Re|engage. Re|engage consists of a Big Group with worship and testimonies and from there people break into other groups. We spent several weeks in the Open Group, which was not a full commit but rather a sampling of what a Closed Group would look like. We finally came to the place when we knew it was time to commit to a Closed Group. Within a couple of weeks, we were in it with five other couples plus our leaders. It has been a growing experience for us in our marriage. Let me share some insights.

The Closed Group will actually run for a total of 16 weeks. During that time there is a short lesson to complete each week. After each spouse completes their lesson, they discuss it together before going to the group for more discussion. What has been happening with us?

Well, for me I’ve come to realize I am not very comfortable with an outward confession. I can mull over all my failures in my head and relentlessly beat myself up while those thoughts are racing without mercy in my head and heart. From there it is a downward spiral to believe I’m an unlovable failure. I’m learning that outward confession is helpful to loosen the strangling strands of pride and self-protection. Those thoughts are not a true reflection of who I am in Christ and surely not from Him. You’ve heard it said that confession is good for the soul. Friends, this is absolutely true. Without confession, the shame, guilt, fear, etc. can run rampant and prevent moving forward and healing. Boy, do I know this is true. Boy, has it become more and more evident lately.

Do you like to fail? Me? Not so much. I’ve never looked at failing as learning experience. When my husband is working on a project {think building} and something doesn’t work, he looks at it as a learning moment to eliminate one option. I take failure too personal and don’t see it as a learning experience. This is merely one reason that confession has been so difficult for me. It’s a verbalization of a failure instead of an opportunity for grace. Pride eats up grace and that has been going on in my life for way too long.

Confession also opens the door to forgiveness. Forgiveness is balm used to begin the road to healing and restoration. This is not an automatic but a process over time. It’s also something that should be happening on the regular to keep a marriage on track.

Since confession and forgiveness typically go together, we have been doing much more of that lately in our home. Truth be told it is refreshing and building a better relationship. Bringing issues into the light squashes the darkness and its hold. Isn’t that a reason that Jesus came? To set the captives free so they can walk in the light and be a light. I’m hoping my light is beginning to shine again as I walk the path of confession and forgiveness.

What about you? How’s your light shining these days?

Be blessed, friends! ~ Carrie

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