Marriage: Forgiveness

marriage

Friends, I’m on a new journey this year and I hope you’ll come along with me. Somewhere during 2017, I made a decision that 2018 would be the year to work on some lingering issues in life and in our marriage. At times, we get to a place where we get stuck. In order to move forward we have to deal. Deal with stuff, you know what I mean? Enter Re|engage, a marriage help group.

Thursday nights are where it’s at for us. We attended the first big Open Group last week. During our time the discussion topic was Extend and Seek Forgiveness. As soon as I read the card, I felt angst in my inner being. That told me I had some forgiving to do. I knew I was holding onto some things that were holding me back from walking in freedom. No pointing fingers at the hubs because I’m not responsible for his journey of forgiveness. I’m responsible for mine. Mission – focus on my issues.

What is forgiveness?

  • A choice to forego your preconceived right to get even, leaving retribution to God.
  • Releasing the person from the repayment for a debt that is owed.

Can I say ouch?! Although I know these things to be true, when I read them on paper I cringed. Why? It was obvious to me that I was holding unto something that needed to be forgiven. Now to completely figure out what it is, which in reality I know but I will chose to take the time to delve deeper in order to completely address forgiving more completely.

What forgiveness is not.

  • Minimizing what has been done to me or “letting them off the hook.” (Be honest about the pain and destruction that has occurred. It may be loving to them experience consequences.)
  • Putting myself in a risky position again so that person can continue to hurt me.
  • Instantly granting trust. Trust is granted over time.
  • Forgetting what happened.

The Open Group consisted of a few couples and we discussed this topic together. People shared some experiences and then there was more discussion. We were there for about an hour. On the way home, I shared with my husband how much I feel engaged and used of the Lord in those settings. My Biblical Counseling training sets in and I can’t help but bring the not so obvious into the light. He assured me my words held weight by the comments made by others. I felt empowered and confident and knew he was proud of me for being me. I have missed that confidence and the feeling of being empowered. Ironically, this is exactly what I was hoping to work on during 2018. It’s funny how the Lord works.

The challenge for this week:

Spend some time reflecting on how I have dealt with my sin by defending, denying or minimizing it instead of confessing. Have I hurt my husband through my actions? {Me: yes, of course}. I need to ask for his forgiveness.

How about you friends? In what ways have you hurt your spouse or a friend or family member or has someone deeply hurt you? Do you have a relationship that needs mending? Confession is a humbling thing but it also tears down walls where someone is defensive because they are hurt. Sometimes we have to ask for forgiveness or sometimes we just need to forgive. Maybe it’s both. Maybe this is something you can work on too.

“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4:32

Be blessed, friends! ~ Carrie

 

  • Looked up re|engage but nothing within even 100 miles of El Paso. We are truly an island waaaay over here. I believe God has put re|engage before you so that you may be a blessing to others while you work through the 'stuff' in your own relationship. I would like to find a group that PC and I could join that would give us some friends our ages, and would encourage discussions like you are having within re|engage. Will be looking forward to learning more.
    • Leslie, your comment spoke to my heart. I so want to helps others on their journey as I travel mine. Just a thought but you could help bring re|engage to your church. :)
      • I left a message on my church's Facebook page asking about it. Keep your fingers crossed that they will respond with interest about learning more. Looking forward to reading more about re|engage as your continue the journey.
      • That is awesome, Leslie! So proud of you for reaching out! If there is anything I can do help, please let me know.
  • Sounds like you have found a great place for you and your hubby! http://www.mylittlenest.org
    • So true! Thank you, Ruth!
  • Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
    This sounds like something every relationship may need from time to time. Sometimes things just are left unspoken and overtime they build. I think meaningful communication is so important! Also, faith and trusting in God also helps so much! Love that you're sharing this all on the blog! Carrie curlycraftymom.com
    • Thank you, Carrie! This is so my heart!
  • Carrie, this sounds like a great way to help marriages mend and thrive and I'm so happy that it's helping you and your hubby. Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us!
    • Thank you so much for reading!
  • Jayne
    Hi Carrie! I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time at the moment, it sounds as though your weekly group is helping you and your husband move forward. Well done for being so brave and sharing this with us. I hope things continue to look up for you both :) Thanks so much for sharing with #MMBC. Have a fab weekend.
  • I think generosity and forgiveness go a long way in any relationship :)
  • You are so brave for talking about the process of working on your marriage on the blog! I care so much about you and Dale and hope this series will bring some positive things to your relationship!