Marriage: Accepting Help

Hello, friends! Back for another marriage post. Hope you enjoy today’s topic and I also hope it’s helpful to you!

Last week at Re|engage the topic was Recognize I Need God’s Help. Interesting, right? Help? Well, no I’ve got this. I understand our issues. I know what needs to happen to fix this. Fix him. Fix us. Those ideas, words, phrases rolling around in my mind often. I have come to the point that I know they are not really helpful. I need a different dialogue. A different mindset is needed to move forward in our marriage. After all, isn’t this why we are at Re|engage? Ummm…yes!

The discussion that evening centered around how couples face struggles in their marriage.

For many couples, the answers to the struggles they face in marriage are often met with the following solutions:

1.) Fix your spouse

2.) Try harder yourself

These efforts are typically ineffective. Attempting to control your marriage by trying harder will only lead to resentment and frustration from unmet expectations.

Oh, my goodness! So much truth here. I’ve come to realize, and you probably have as well, that I cannot fix or change any other person, especially my husband. I can however work on me, which is exactly what My Happiness Project is all about this year. I will work on me and attempt to understand and address my own issues. I’m not responsible for the actions of others but my responses to them. As I grow and change that will hopefully encourage and change my spouse. We will both be much happier when neither one of us takes on the responsible for changing the other but instead works on themselves. It makes perfect sense when I hear it in a group and read it on paper. Unfortunately, my mind works against me and my actions do too.

Honestly, it helps so very much to be a group and discuss these issues. It helps me to realize my frustration lies in me taking on responsibilities that are not mine. My unmet expectations creates an angst in me that is not mine to carry.

Going forward: Work on Carrie and what she needs to fix or change. Call on the Lord for help!

“I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man (or woman) remains in me and I in him (or her), he (or she) will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” ~ John 15:5

Be blessed, friends! ~ Carrie

Where I’m linking up.

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  • This is the best advice ever. My mom always said I always loved the "bad boy" because I thought I could fix them... those relationships ended - & I'm glad they did so I could find my husband.
  • This study is coming to a church in town and I so want to participate. Marriage is tough and even when I think we've come so far it could still be so much better! Thanks for sharing this series Carrie. Shelly | The Queen in Between
  • Lori
    So true. Thanks for sharing. I once felt to pray for what I needed to do better to help our marriage and prayed for help for our marriage to be better, although it was still good. Over the course of a year from that prayer came a lot of eye opening experiences that made me recognize issues that I had and needed to fix and they weren't necessarily marriage related. However, after working on those issues and myself, our marriage relationship improved. It's interesting how that works!
  • I think this has been a key issue in previous relationships. There were things about the other person which just didn't fit with who I am. Instead of recognizing that I couldn't change the person and moving on, I hoped they would one day change. I think the sooner you accept your significant other for who they are, the sooner you can find peace in your relationship. Although you do have to be able to recognize when two people just aren't a match for each other and also when two people finally do fit :)